reality

I went to the doctor last Monday for my 6 week post being in the boot / 2 weeks into running appointment.  I’ve delayed writing this post because it makes things just seem more REAL.  It took me 2 days to even email my family.   Here’s the low down …

The doctor was very encouraged by my progress.  The injury itself feels great.  Yet I’ve had other soreness in my foot and can tell my foot is super weak.  The doctor encouraged me to keep running, while listening to my body – basic common sense – if a spot started hurting more, back off.  Common sense.  And keep strengthening my foot – through basic life, start doing squats, no lunges, stuff like that.

So then I say – what do you think about me running Boston in April??  Goofy nervous grin on my face.  I could tell right off the bat that the idea made him nervous.  Everything he said made so much sense. It just sucks to hear someone SAY it.  He said it made him nervous – that right now I need to focus on strength NOT building miles.  I need to focus on healing 100%.  He said not to build beyond the 3-3.5 mile range until all the weird sorenesses are gone.  My foot was immobilized for a long time and it IS weak.  That strength doesn’t come back in just a few weeks.  He asked me “Do you want to run Boston and risk being set back, possibly needed surgery or getting a new injury? Or do you want to heel properly and move on from this?”  UGH.  He then said “Say in a few weeks you are feeling AMAZING, so you bump up to 5 miles, 7 miles.  That’s great. But it’ll be February, and then April before you know it.  I’m not saying no, I’m just saying [nervous grimacing face].

So. So. So. Hmmm…………

While I know I SHOULD have walked out feeling encouraged that I am on my way to recovery.  I should be thinking long term and be grateful. Yet I WANT TO RUN BOSTON. IN 2014.  So it sucked. I was really down for a few days, and even writing this takes me down again.

I am not at the place where I am saying NO to Boston, but I know the hope and reality is dwindling.

I also know I am much closer to being 100% now than I was 2 weeks ago. And I also know if I had’t had that talk with the doctor, I’d be building my mileage but I would NOT be ready and I would NOT be closer to 100%.

SO yes, I am thankful for the conversation, honesty, and reality check.

The hardest part, apart from knowing I’ve paid $175 to run Boston and that this is a BIG emotional intense year for Boston given the bombings last year, is that since I qualified in 2012, I will have to re-qualifiy. In reality that will not happen before registration opens in September for the 2015 race, so it’ll be 2016 before I can potential get to Boston.  I’ll be an old lady! haha – just 36 :) but that just seems like forever away!

So that’s where I am.  Swinging between hope/encouragement/frustration/sadness/not wanting to officially say no.

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2 Comments

Filed under Boston, hard, injury, life, running

2 responses to “reality

  1. Ahem. I’m 36.

    The way I see it, you can roll the dice, go for Boston, and hope that your foot holds up. Or you can play it safe, let go of Boston, keep healing and rebuilding your miles, and find a late summer marathon to BQ at.

    If I were in your shoes, I would be rolling the dice and praying that nothing happened. But my husband would be yanking the dice out of my hand and saying – Remember how miserable you were when you ignored the pain and ended up with a stress fracture and out of running for 12 weeks???? And that’s what you have to think about. What if you re-injure yourself? And have to go thru all of this again? Is it worth it?? When I think about my 12 weeks spent on a rowing machine – every.single.day. – I know that there’s no way in hell that I want to go thru that again. And I’m betting you don’t either.

    There are a TON of late summer marathons out there. Why not find a nice, flat course and lock in on that as your goal? Then you can come run Boston with this old lady in 2015.

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