this morning

I’ve been thinking.  What is realistic for me right now?  I’m tired.  Just in the past 2 weeks, Andrew has started sleeping through the night most nights, which is amazing.  On mornings I run, I now set my alarm for 15 minutes earlier than normal so that I can feed him before I go.  All that to say though, for 5.5 months, I did not get a full night sleep.  That can take its toll.  All the while, I’ve been pushing my body to get stronger and faster.  The past few days, I’ve been wondering if I’m asking a bit too much of myself?

Then I start thinking about the flip side.  Running, racing, and having goals honestly help me stay sane.  Ever since Sarah was born, running has been my outlet.   This is 1 of my favorite quotes from another running mama, published in the March 2010 Runner’s World … As a runner-mother, I train and race to be distinctly different from the woman struggling to maneuver the grocery cart shaped like a race car. “Sorry, sorry,” I repeat like a mantra in the produce section, as I bump my way around the vegetables.  Give me four safety pins and a piece of paper with a number on it, and there are no apologies.  I have somewhere I  need to go, as fast as possible, and no one gets in my way.  The woman on the playground who uses phrases like “Oopsy daisy” spits and swears while running with friends.

That thought of not having a goal race, a plan, leaves me feeling like I’m floundering and seriously squashes my motivation.

So NO, I am not throwing out racing.  All of this basically comes to a head when thinking about WHAT goal and WHAT races.  In the back of my mind, I’ve been planning on running a half marathon in Pensacola in November.  Yet the more I think about it, the less I want to.  When choosing races, my main factors are … (in no particular order)
1.  realistic potential to set a PR
2. fun location/event
3. friends running it
4. local races

Pensacola fits NONE of those.  So unless I have a major change of heart, I’m going to toss it.  I am going to set a tentative goal of a Spring Marathon, but at least a half … all based on how the next few months go.

So that alters my training schedule. It allows me to back off just enough for things to feel more realistic and natural.  I still want to push myself. I still want to get faster.  For now, I’m planning on running 4 days a week.  In another month or 2, I’ll hopefully bump it up to 5 days.  I think my body will respond a lot better.  And maybe I won’t be quite as irritable from lack of sleep :)

So this morning, as I’m doing some soul-searching as I think through all this … I’m running along … I see what looks like a uni-bomber type figure on the sidewalk ahead of me … so I casually cross to the other side of the road.  There is no side-walk to jump on if a car comes, but I’m going the direction the few cars drive before 6am.  Damn, a car.  It was too dark to jump off the road, so I keep going straight, hoping the car will see me.  As I’m watching the car, not the ground, I step in a hole and ROLL my left ankle.  The same ankle I injured twice in the Fall of 2009.  Adding to it, the hole was full of water.  Damn.  So today, my ankle hurts.  To continue the whining, my right big toe has been sore for  a few weeks.  Those 2 things add to my decision to not run Pensacola.

All that to say, maybe I’m having a bad day and will change my mind.  But I doubt it.  And I look forward to the Spring with great enthusiasm!! :)

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